Mentoring Guidelines for The Multiverse School

Purpose

This document outlines the rules and expectations for mentors at The Multiverse School. If you're considering mentorship (either as mentor or mentee), these guidelines help you understand what's appropriate and what protects everyone.

Core principle: Mentorship has clear boundaries. It's not therapy, and mentors can't be your everything.

Why you should know this: Whether you're seeking mentorship or thinking about becoming a mentor someday, understanding these rules helps you recognize healthy vs. unhealthy mentorship relationships.

Who Can Be a Mentor

Requirements

• Active professional career in fields taught at the school
• NOT licensed fields where mentoring could be confused with professional services:
  • Medicine
  • Law
  • Psychology / Licensed Counseling
  • Sociology
  • Licensed Engineering

Why these exclusions: Legal liability and potential confusion about role. If students need these services, they should hire professionals, not receive informal mentoring.

The Four Core Rules for Mentors

Rule 1: No Romantic or Sexual Relationships with Mentees

Absolute prohibition:

• Mentors cannot engage romantically or sexually with anyone they mentor
• Power imbalances make true consent impossible
• This rule has no exceptions

If a mentee makes advances:

1. Decline clearly and kindly
2. Document the interaction
3. Notify an admin immediately: email [email protected] with URGENT in the subject
4. End the mentorship relationship

If there's disagreement about who initiated:

• Both parties are removed from mentorship program
• No debate about "who started it"
• The power imbalance exists regardless

Mentor responsibility:

• You are the person with power
• It's YOUR job to prevent inappropriate relationships
• "But they pursued me" is not a defense

Why this matters:

• Students may confuse mentorship care with romantic interest
• Trauma survivors may fawn or people-please
• Neurodivergent students may not read social cues accurately
• The power imbalance makes genuine consent impossible

Rule 2: Encourage Learning Without Bias

The rule: "Do not dissuade people from learning something"

What this means:

• Don't tell students to avoid technologies because you personally dislike them
• Don't discourage learning paths based on your preferences
• Support student curiosity even when it diverges from your expertise

Before discouraging any technical path:

• Check with an admin first
• Provide credible sources (developer surveys, industry data)
• Distinguish your opinion from objective limitations

Example - Good:

"I haven't used React Native myself, but here's the State of JS survey showing adoption rates. Let's look at what jobs are available and what you're interested in."

Example - Bad:

"Don't learn React, it's garbage. Just use Vue." (Based on personal preference, no evidence)

Why this matters:

• Mentor bias significantly impacts mentee career trajectories
• Students trust your judgment and may abandon good paths
• Your preferences ≠ universal truth
• Students deserve informed choice, not your personal tech stack

Rule 3: Restricted Coaching Topics Without Credentials

You CANNOT coach on these topics unless you are a licensed counselor:

• Privilege and power structures
• Trauma processing
• PTSD or complex trauma
• Mental health diagnoses
• Abuse recovery

For race-related issues:

• Only discuss within your own lived experience
• Don't coach others on racial dynamics you haven't experienced
• Refer to appropriate resources

If a mentee unexpectedly requests this kind of help:

1. Don't engage — "That's outside my scope as a mentor"
2. Refer appropriately — "You need a therapist/counselor for that"
3. Alert an admin immediately — email [email protected] with URGENT in the subject. Staff need to know students are seeking this kind of support

Why this matters:

• You're not trained to handle trauma
• You could cause harm
• Students in crisis need professionals, not mentors
• Scope creep creates boundary violations

Rule 4: No Medical Advice Without Licensure

Only licensed clinicians should provide medical guidance.

If sharing personal health experiences, include this disclaimer:

"I'm talking from my own experience as someone who [condition/situation]. I'm not licensed to practice medicine. You should talk to a doctor about this."

Examples of what NOT to do:

• ❌ "You should try this medication"
• ❌ "Stop taking that, it's bad for you"
• ❌ "Here's how to treat your [condition]"
• ❌ "You don't need a doctor, just do this"

What you CAN do:

• ✅ Share your own experience with a disclaimer
• ✅ Suggest seeing a doctor
• ✅ Provide resources for finding care
• ✅ Listen to their experience without giving medical advice

Why this matters:

• Legal liability
• Potential harm to students
• You lack medical training
• Students may take your advice over actual doctors

Additional Guidelines

Scope of Mentorship

Mentorship IS:

• Career guidance in your field
• Technical skill development
• Industry insights and networking
• Code review and project feedback
• Accountability and encouragement
• Navigating workplace dynamics (in your field)

Mentorship is NOT:

• Therapy or counseling
• Life coaching on personal issues
• Financial planning
• Medical advice
• Legal advice
• Solving all their problems

Time Boundaries

From "Being Mentored Rules":

• Mentees should limit to one meeting per week with each mentor
• Mentees should have no more than two concurrent mentors total

For mentors, this means:

• You can set your own availability
• You can limit frequency of meetings
• You're not expected to be available 24/7
• It's okay to say "I can meet once a month" or "I have time for 30 minutes biweekly"

Mentorship is not full-time support. Set realistic expectations.

Preventing Dependency

Watch for these patterns:

Red flags:

• Mentee won't make decisions without checking with you first
• Mentee messages constantly outside scheduled meetings
• Mentee treats you as their therapist
• Mentee has "emergencies" that require your immediate attention
• Mentee seems unable to function without your guidance

If you see these patterns:

1. Set clearer boundaries

   • "I can only respond during [times]"
   • "Let's keep communication to our scheduled meetings"

2. Encourage independence

   • "What do you think you should do?" (before giving your opinion)
   • "Try this and let me know how it goes" (vs. solving it for them)

3. Refer out if needed

   • "It sounds like you need a therapist for this"
   • "This is beyond my role as a mentor"

4. Alert an admin if the pattern continues

Handling Difficult Situations

Mentee Shares Trauma Unexpectedly

What to do:

"Thank you for trusting me with that. That's really hard. I'm not trained to support trauma processing—that's something a therapist can help with. Let me connect you to resources."

Then:

• Provide crisis resources if needed (988, therapy referrals)
• Alert an admin: email [email protected] with URGENT in the subject
• Don't try to process the trauma with them
• Redirect future sessions to mentoring scope

Mentee Asks Personal Questions

Examples:

• "Are you married?"
• "Do you have kids?"
• "Where do you live?"
• "What's your dating life like?"

You can:

• Answer briefly if comfortable ("Yes, I'm married" and move on)
• Decline ("I keep my personal life private")
• Redirect ("Let's focus on your career questions")

You don't owe detailed personal information.

Mentee Crosses Boundaries Repeatedly

Process:

1. Name the boundary clearly

   • "I've mentioned I'm only available during scheduled meetings. You've messaged me three times this week outside our meetings. That needs to stop."

2. Assess response

   • Apologetic and changes behavior → Continue mentoring
   • Defensive or continues → End mentorship

3. You can end mentorship

   • "I don't think this mentorship is a good fit anymore. Here are some other resources for you."

4. Document and notify an admin

Starting a Mentorship Relationship

Initial Conversation Required

Before ongoing mentorship, have an explicit conversation:

"I'd be happy to mentor you. Let's talk about what that looks like. I can meet [frequency], and I can help with [scope]. I can't help with [out of scope topics]. Does that work for you?"

Get explicit consent:

• Both parties agree to ongoing mentorship
• Expectations are clear
• Boundaries are stated upfront

One meeting does NOT equal ongoing mentorship. Don't assume—ask.

Ending a Mentorship

When to End

It's okay to end mentorship when:

• Your availability changes
• The mentee isn't following through
• Boundaries are repeatedly violated
• You don't have expertise in what they need
• The relationship has run its course
• You're uncomfortable for any reason

You don't need permission to end mentorship.

How to End It

Template:

"[Mentee name], I've enjoyed working with you. However, [reason: my availability has changed / I don't have expertise in the direction you're going / I need to step back for personal reasons]. I'm ending our formal mentorship. Here are some resources/other mentors who might be a better fit: [list]. I wish you the best."

Keep it:

• Brief
• Clear
• Kind
• Final

You don't owe extensive justification.

Supporting Yourself as a Mentor

Mentoring is Emotional Labor

You may feel:

• Responsibility for their success (not your job)
• Guilt when you can't help (you're not responsible for everything)
• Frustration when they don't follow advice (they're autonomous adults)
• Burnout from constant availability (boundaries prevent this)

What helps:

• Clear time boundaries
• Defined scope of support
• Regular check-ins with yourself: "Is this sustainable?"
• Permission to say no or end mentorship

When Mentoring Becomes Problematic

Signs you need to reassess:

• You dread meetings
• You feel manipulated or guilted
• Mentoring is affecting your work/life
• You're crossing boundaries you set
• You feel responsible for their life outcomes

What to do:

• Talk to an admin
• Consider ending the mentorship
• Reset boundaries explicitly
• Take a break from mentoring

Your wellbeing matters too.

Key Principles

1. No romantic/sexual relationships — Ever, period, no exceptions
2. Stay in your lane — Tech/career, not therapy/medical/legal
3. Bias awareness — Don't impose your tech preferences
4. Clear boundaries — Time, scope, availability
5. Encourage independence — You're a guide, not a savior
6. Document concerns — Alert an admin when things go sideways
7. You can say no — To mentorship, to scope creep, to boundary violations

Resources

For mentors:

• An admin, at [email protected], for questions/concerns (add URGENT to the subject for safety issues)
• "Being Mentored Rules" (what mentees agree to)
• Code of Conduct (overall community standards)

For mentees (to refer them to):

• 988 Lifeline (crisis support)
• Therapy referrals (through school or local resources)
• Career services (job search, resume help)
• Technical communities (for peer learning)

Remember

Good mentorship has clear boundaries. You help most by:

• Staying in your scope
• Maintaining professionalism
• Encouraging independence
• Referring to appropriate resources when needed

You're a mentor, not a:

• Therapist
• Doctor
• Life coach
• Parent
• Best friend
• Savior

Guiding principle: The power imbalance in mentorship means the mentor must maintain clear boundaries. Caring about a mentee's success does NOT mean blurring professional lines. The best mentors know exactly where their role begins and ends—and hold that line with kindness.