The
Multiverse
School

Part II: Recognizing Patterns

Common Misunderstandings (And What We Actually Mean)

This page clarifies terms that are sometimes misunderstood or weaponized.

For genuinely confused people: These definitions help you understand what we mean.

For facilitators: Link here when you see confusion or weaponization.

"Horizontal Relationships" Doesn't Mean "No Authority"

What it means:

  • Everyone's humanity is equal
  • Power differences are transparent, not hidden
  • Students can question, give feedback, set boundaries with facilitators
  • Learning flows in multiple directions
  • No one is inherently "better" than anyone else

What it does NOT mean:

  • Facilitators can't enforce community agreements
  • No one has authority to remove harmful people
  • Everyone gets to do whatever they want
  • There are no consequences for violating agreements

Facilitators have specific authority to:

  • Enforce Code of Conduct
  • Remove people who repeatedly harm the community
  • Set boundaries on their own time/availability
  • Make final decisions about community safety

Being transparent about power: Facilitators have removal authority. That's part of maintaining safe community. "Horizontal" doesn't mean "no structure" - it means "honest about structure."

"Mutual Aid" Doesn't Mean "You Owe Me What I Need"

What it means:

  • People offer what they can, not what you demand
  • You can ask, not require
  • Both parties consent to the exchange
  • Needs are met through community (multiple people), not one person

What it does NOT mean:

  • Everyone must meet your needs
  • Your need overrides someone's "no"
  • You're entitled to specific help from specific people
  • Needs = demands

What this looks like:

  • "Can anyone help me move?" → people volunteer if they can ✓
  • "You MUST help me move, I need it!" → demand ✗
  • "Can anyone host me for a week while I find housing?" → asking ✓
  • "You have a spare room so you OWE me housing" → entitlement ✗

Mutual aid requires consent from both sides. You give what you can. You receive what others can offer. The circle flows - but everyone gets to choose their participation.

"Boundaries" Are Limits YOU Set, Not Demands on OTHERS

What a boundary is:

  • A limit YOU set about what YOU will do or accept
  • About YOUR behavior, not controlling others
  • Examples: "I can't talk after 8pm" or "I need you to stop using that nickname for me"

What a boundary is NOT:

  • Controlling someone else's behavior as a "boundary"
  • A demand disguised as boundary language
  • Examples: "Your boundary is you must answer my calls 24/7" ← That's a demand, not a boundary

Real boundary: "I only respond to messages during business hours"

Fake "boundary": "You must respond to my messages immediately because I need it"

See the difference? One is about what YOU will do. The other is trying to control what THEY must do.

When someone sets a boundary with you, your "boundary" back cannot be forcing them to remove their boundary. That's just violating their boundary with extra steps.

"Neurodivergent-Affirming" Doesn't Mean "No Accountability"

What it means:

  • We respect different brain wiring
  • Direct communication is valued
  • You don't have to mask harmless traits (stimming, echolalia, etc.)
  • We offer accommodations when possible

What it does NOT mean:

  • Your diagnosis excuses harmful behavior
  • Accommodations = exemption from all rules
  • You can violate boundaries because "that's just how I am"
  • Other people must tolerate harm because you're neurodivergent

Example:

  • ADHD makes waiting hard → Accommodation: We'll call on you first when we pause ✓
  • ADHD makes waiting hard → Excuse to interrupt everyone constantly ✗

We accommodate neurodivergence. We don't excuse harm.

Being neurodivergent doesn't make you a bad person. AND you're still responsible for the impact of your behavior.

"Crisis Changes Things" Doesn't Mean "No Boundaries During Crisis"

What it means:

  • We understand the September 2026 context (fascism, government shutdowns, people fleeing)
  • We recognize intensity can be a normal response to extreme circumstances
  • We offer grace when people are genuinely struggling
  • The bar is different during collective crisis

What it does NOT mean:

  • Crisis = free pass to violate boundaries
  • Desperation overrides people's limits
  • Crisis means you can demand unlimited support
  • Your crisis becomes everyone's crisis

What doesn't change during crisis:

  • Respecting people's stated limits
  • Using crisis resources (988, etc.) for actual crisis support
  • Not threatening self-harm to prevent boundaries
  • Recognizing facilitators/peers can't be your crisis team

Crisis mutual aid looks like:

  • "Can anyone host me for 2 weeks while I sort my visa?" (asking, specific, temporary) ✓
  • "You MUST let me stay as long as I want or you're abandoning me" (demanding, indefinite, manipulative) ✗

Crisis IS NOT a free pass to violate boundaries. Desperation is real. People's limits are also real. Both can be true.

"No Saviors" Doesn't Mean "Refuse All Help/Resources"

What it means:

  • No one should position themselves as your rescuer or guru
  • Dependency on one person isn't healthy
  • You're capable, even when you need help

What it does NOT mean:

  • Refuse all help or support
  • Don't listen to anyone's guidance
  • Reject resource referrals
  • No one can suggest things

Example:

  • Someone positions themselves as the ONLY one who can help you, creating dependency ✗
  • Someone says "I can't support you through this, but here's 988 and therapy resources" ✓

Referring you to appropriate resources isn't a savior complex. It's responsible care.

When Someone Weaponizes These Terms

What weaponization looks like:

  • Using social justice/therapy language to avoid accountability
  • Cherry-picking definitions to justify harmful behavior
  • Accusing others of violating principles when boundaries are set
  • Projection: accusing others of the exact behavior they're doing

Examples:

  • "You're violating horizontal relationships by enforcing rules!" (twisting the term)
  • "Mutual aid means you HAVE to help me!" (misusing the concept)
  • "Your boundary is gaslighting ME!" (weaponizing therapy speak)
  • "I'm neurodivergent so you can't hold me accountable!" (using identity as shield)

How to respond:

  • Point to these definitions: "That's not what that term means"
  • Hold your boundary regardless of how they label it
  • Don't get drawn into debating terminology
  • Recognize obvious bad faith (especially when pattern repeats)
  • Talk to a facilitator if needed

Genuinely confused people respond to clarification. Weaponizers double down.

Key Principles

If you're genuinely confused:

  • Ask questions
  • Read these definitions
  • We'll clarify with patience
  • Learning takes time

If someone is weaponizing terms:

  • Facilitators will recognize the pattern
  • These definitions make bad faith obvious
  • We protect community safety

Both compassion AND accountability can coexist.

Both your struggles AND others' boundaries can be real.

Both crisis context AND respect for limits matter.

See Also:

The handbook is written in the open. See this page on GitHub.

Ask the handbook

Ask about refunds, rescheduling, the code of conduct, campus, or anything else in the handbook. Answers come only from the handbook text.