Build Your Personal Life System — Atlas

Build Your Personal Life System: The Life System Map
THE LIFE SYSTEMNobody can sell you a life OS. You have to build your own.Build Your Personal Life System · a one-day class in the AI at Work series, then six meetups · the house↖ AI AT WORK: THE OTHER FIVE MACHINESFrom Meetings to Action ↗AI for Spreadsheets & Reporting ↗Build Your AI Research Department ↗Build an AI Outreach & Follow-Up System ↗Turn Documents into Working Systems ↗The practice pack is an illustrative week, not a real person (replaced by a facilitator's real, consented week before first run). Bring your own only if you want to.1 FRONT DOORwhat it's forintention, flipped interview, spec card v0the practice pack (an illustrative week):intention: shifts, flare days, the kids fed, the insurance calls2 THE SAFEwhere data goesa data map, record shapes, NEVER STOREthe practice pack (an illustrative week):a flare log in the LOG shape; "worried about money" deleted3 THE MIRRORstated vs livedvalues, then lead and lag measuresthe practice pack (an illustrative week):Rest: lag in bed by 11 on 5 nights; leads: phone, lunches4 KITCHEN TABLEleads first, fit the hoursa because, a board, a soundtrackthe practice pack (an illustrative week):Wednesday: 14h40m of tasks in 7 free hours; a flare bends a rule5 BOUNDARIESits rules and yourspush back · do · ask first · neverthe practice pack (an illustrative week):"Should I stop the muscle relaxant?" → the doctor or pharmacist6 FRIDGE DOORrun it, score itthe scoreboard, then said vs didthe practice pack (an illustrative week):scoreboard: lunches 4 of 4, lag unmoved → maybe the wrong leadMEETUPSsix evenings afterabout them, or about the problem?the practice pack (an illustrative week):"no tasks on shift days": about them, not about the problemeach quarter, the meetups feed the next setup classEVERY MACHINE IS THE SAME SEVEN SLOTS (the spec card)INTAKEblock B3·4STRUCTUREblock B2·3·4CHECKblock B4GATEblock B2·5ACTblock B4·6LEDGERblock B6RHYTHMblock B4·6 BLOCK 1 · WHAT IT'S FORThe front doorthe house: the front doorDecide what this thing is for, in your own words, then let it in: it interviews you, and the answers become its firstrules and spec card v0.WHAT IS IT FOR?shifts · flare daysthe kids fed · insurance calls 1Start with what it's for"Be more productive" isn't an intention.Something you could check in a month is.People in our rooms build these for wildly different jobs:getting out the door on time, a job search, a chronicillness, remembering to eat, keeping a household of four fromcollapsing. A lot of people are here for the health one, anda system that ignores flare days plans a week you can't live.So card 1.1 comes first: one paragraph on what it's for, andwhat would tell you it's working in a month. "Stop missingthe pharmacy refill and stop planning full days for the dayafter a flare" is an intention. If you couldn't tell in amonth, rewrite it.1 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Front door › Intention "be more productive"a vibe:nothing to check"stop missing the pharmacy refill…"…and stop planning full days after a flarean intention:you can count it1 MONTH✓blue = your words, the raw material · teal = the check ▸ The aide's intention (illustrative)zoom inWHO THIS IS (the curriculum's illustrative week, not a real person)A home health aide (they/them): two kids, three twelve-hour shifts a week, a back injurythat flares, and a community college class on Thursdays.INTENTION (card 1.1, into the instructions)"Plan around shifts and flare days, get the kids fed, and stop losing track of theinsurance calls."WHY IT PASSESEvery part can be checked in a month: shift days planned around, flare days planned asflare days, the kids fed, the insurance calls not lost. An intention like this isusually a lag measure already; Block 3 adds the leads that move it.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Front door › Intention › Example 2Let it interview youYou won't remember to tell it. It'll ask.Quirks beat aspirations.You won't think to mention that you're useless before 10am,that Tuesday is the custody handoff, or that you hate lettucewraps. So flip it: card 1.3 tells it to ask specificquestions you can answer in one line, one at a time, at leasteight. Answer by voice if you can; it's faster and morehonest. When it tries to wrap up at five, say "keep going".Be real: "I always answer email in bed" helps it more than"I'm working on boundaries". Memory works well now, so whatit learns sticks. That's the point, and it's why the nextblock is the safe.2 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Front door › Interview youTHE PROJECTbase rules (card 1.2)your answers, datedmemory: it sticksQ1Q2Q3Q4Q5Q6Q7Q88+ questions, by voice ▸ Three answers become ruleszoom inWHAT THE AIDE SAID"Shift days are gone." → Shift days hold nothing except the kids."I fall apart if I don't eat before 2." → Lunch before 2pm is fixed."The day after a flare I can do about half." → After a flare, plan half a day and ask what to drop.IF IT TURNS INTO A SURVEY"On a scale of 1–10…" Push it: "specific questions I can answer in one line."DATES, NEVER "TOMORROW""Dentist tomorrow" is wrong forever after tomorrow. Card 1.2 stores dates.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Front door › Interview › Example 3Spec card v0, then ask it coldSeven slots drafted from the interview,at the top of the instructions. Then afresh chat.Card 1.4 drafts the seven slots of the spec card from whatthe interview found: intake, structure, check, gate, act,ledger and rhythm, with guesses marked [?]. Edit them andpaste the card at the top of the Project's instructions. It'sallowed to be wrong; every block after this fixes a slot.CHECK can say "plan fits my real day (Block 4)" for now. Thenthe check: a new chat in the Project, card 1.5, "what's onething you'd plan around this week?" It should name a realconstraint from the interview. A generic answer means thefacts didn't land in memory.3 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Front door › Spec card INTAKEvoice, paper, calendarsSTRUCTUREleads first, then sizedCHECKvs hours + capacityGATEits rules + yoursACTtriage + today boardLEDGERscoreboard + reviewRHYTHMbends for flaresv0 is allowed to be wrong · each block fixes a slot ▸ The aide's spec card v0 (illustrative)zoom inSPEC CARD v0 · top of the instructions · [?] = a guessINTAKE: a voice dump · the shift calendar and the kids' school calendar [?]STRUCTURE: kids, shifts, back, class, insurance → commitments → sized actionsCHECK: plan fits my real day (Block 4)GATE: anything Dana or the kids depend on needs my yes [?]ACT: a plan for the day, after the school run [?]LEDGER: a weekly review [?]RHYTHM: shift days vs days off; half a day after a flareFRESH CHAT, CARD 1.5: "What's one thing you'd plan around this week?"PASS: "Your shift days hold nothing except the kids, so I'd plan around those."GENERIC: the facts didn't land. Tell it which three matter most, and ask again.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Front door › Spec card › Example BENCH · THE PRACTICE WEEK, THEN YOURSWill it plan with this?

Will it plan with this?

Things that went through the aide's front door. Mark each A RULE IT CAN USE or PUSH FOR MORE.

Intention: "Be more productive."
Intention: "Plan around shifts and flare days, get the kids fed, and stop losing track of the insurance calls."
Answer: "Shift days are gone."
Answer: "I'm working on boundaries."
Answer: "I always answer email in bed."
Its question: "On a scale of 1–10, how productive do you feel?"
Stored: "Dentist tomorrow."
Place each one.
▶ Now yours: run card 1.5 in a fresh chat. If the answer is generic, tell it which three facts matter most.
YOU ARE HERE · Life › Front door › Bench BLOCK 2 · WHERE YOUR DATA GOESThe safethe house: the safeIt's useful because it knows a lot about you. Decide where each kind of data goes and what shape it's kept in, onpurpose, in a file you own.main ProjectHealth Projectlocal modela doc you pasteNEVERSTORE 1Keys and bank logins: neverNot "be careful with them". Never. A chatis a document someone else stores.Passwords and API keys go in a password manager (Bitwarden,1Password, the one built into your phone), never a chat. AnAPI key is a password that spends money: if a tool asks foryour OpenAI or Anthropic key, it goes in the manager, gets aspending limit on the provider's site, and is revoked the dayyou stop using the tool. Never give an AI your bank login. Tolet it see spending, download a statement or a CSV, cover theaccount number, and paste that. If it must never move money,don't connect anything that can. Then search your chats for"password" and delete what you find.1 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Safe › Keys the chatsomeone else stores ittrust boundaryPASSWORD MANAGERpasswordsAPI keys+ spend limit, revokebank logina CSVaccount no. coveredthe CSV can cross the line; the login and the keys never do ▸ Getting the aide's keys outzoom inPASSWORDSThe work portal login lives in the phone's password manager. No assistant sees it.SEARCH THE CHAT HISTORY FOR "password"Delete every chat with one in it. Then the Password Health bench (log in first).AN API KEY, IF A TOOL ASKS FOR ONEinto the manager · a spending limit on the provider's site · revoked when you stopMONEYSpending: a CSV from the bank app, once a month, account number covered.Never the bank login.KEYS IN A SCREENSHOTA settings page often shows a key. Crop it before you paste.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Safe › Keys › Example 2The data map, health includedCareful at 2am is not a system. The mapis the system.Card 2.1 is a table: a row each for passwords, money, health,other people's information, and anything you'll be tempted topaste, with where it lives, which assistant sees it, and why.Health is the big row, with four reasonable homes: your mainProject (fine for "physio Tuesday"), a separate HealthProject with memory off, a local model on your own computer,or a doc you paste in when needed. Nobody here will tell youwhich; pick on purpose. HIPAA covers your doctor and insurer,not a chat app. Then NEVER STORE (card 2.3), and the audit(card 2.4): delete at least one thing. "User seems stressed"is an inference, and it's yours to remove.2 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Safe › Map a company has itonly you have itmain Projectthe company · "physio Tuesday"Health Projectthe company, kept apart · memory offlocal modelonly you · slower, entirely yoursa doc you pasteonly you, until you paste · help without storageNEVER STORE: money worries · passwords · …health's four homes · dashed = the trust boundary ▸ The aide's data map (illustrative)zoom inKIND OF DATA → WHERE IT LIVES → WHICH ASSISTANT SEES ITPasswords, work portal → phone password manager → noneShifts, kids' calendar → calendar → Life System, pasted weeklySpending → bank app → Life System, a monthly CSV, account number coveredFlare log, physio notes → a spreadsheet on the phone (date · pain 0–5 · what set itoff · what helped) → a separate Health Project, pasted in for appointment prepKids' school + medical → the school portal → noneMEMORY AUDIT (card 2.4)Found "worried about money", said once in passing. Deleted.Added to NEVER STORE: money worries.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Safe › Map › Example 3Shapes, not just placesChat memory isn't a database. Keep yourrecords, in a shape, in a file you own.Where your data lives is half of it. The other half is itsshape. Chat memory is fuzzy by design: it keeps what itthinks matters, in its own words, and you can't sort it orexport it cleanly. So decide roughly what each record lookslike (a task, a log entry, a measure) and keep them in anote, a sheet or a doc you own. Not a strict schema: justevery task looking like every other task, so they can becounted. Card 2.5 puts RECORDS in the instructions. Then theboard can show them, the review can count them, a local modelcan read them, and next year you can take your life with you.3 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Safe › Records TASKwhat · area · size · deadline + source · statusLOGdate · what · 0–5 · what helped · notesMEASURElead|lag · target · this week · sourceyour filea note, sheet or doctoday boardweekly reviewa local modelnext year's assistantgreen = yours, exportable · memory is a convenience, not the record ▸ The aide's RECORDS (card 2.5)zoom inRECORDS (in the instructions)RECORDS — keep every record in the same shape. My file: a sheet on my phone.TASK: what · area · size (15-min units) · deadline + source · statusLOG: date · what · 0–5 · what helped · notesMEASURE: lead|lag · target · this week · sourceWhen you give me a plan or a review, use these fields so I can paste them into myfile. Don't treat your memory as the record; my file is the record.THE FLARE LOG, IN THE LOG SHAPEdate · pain 0–5 · what set it off · what helpedYou can't export a personal life OS. You can export your records.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Safe › Records › Example BENCH · THE PRACTICE WEEK, THEN YOURSMap it, then audit it

Map it, then audit it

Seven kinds of data from the aide's week. Who sees each one? Then audit what the Life System kept.

The work portal password
The shift schedule and the kids' calendar
An OpenAI key a planning tool asked for
Spending: a monthly CSV, account number covered
The bank login
The back injury: flare log and physio notes
The kids' school and medical details
Place each kind of data.
▶ Now yours: card 2.4 on your own Project. Delete at least one thing, write the NEVER STORE line that would have stopped it, and move any list that lives only in memory into your file.
YOU ARE HERE · Life › Safe › Bench BLOCK 3 · STATED VS LIVEDThe mirrorthe house: the hall mirrorSort your values and hold every calendar up to them. Then pick one goal: a lag that says it's working, and the leadsyou do this week that move it.statedlivedanchorthe gap isusually rent,care, a boss, a body 1The top band, and an anchorKnow what your values actually are, notwhat you think they should be.Do the Good Project Value Sort before class if you can: 35values into ranked bands, the one part of the day with no AIin it. Card 3.1 puts the top band in the instructions, whereit decides what moves when a day doesn't fit. Then the anchorvalue: look at your bottom five. One of them you know isimportant; you've just deprioritised it. (Liz's is wealth.)Give that one to the robot to hold. It won't nag you about itevery day. When a decision touches it, it says so. And itnever tells you what your values mean about you.1 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Mirror › Sort TOP BANDMIDDLEBOTTOM FIVEthe anchor: held, not nagged ▸ The aide's top band and anchorzoom inTOP BAND (from the sort)Family · Security · Learning · RestANCHOR VALUE (from the bottom five)Adventure: "I haven't left the city in three years and I miss it."CARD 3.1, AS IT GOES INTO THE INSTRUCTIONSVALUES: Family · Security · Learning · Rest. Use these to decide what moves when aday doesn't fit. ANCHOR: Adventure, because I haven't left the city in three years.Hold this one for me. Don't nag; when a decision touches it, say so. Never tell mewhat my values mean about me.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Mirror › Sort › Example 2Hold it up, then account for the gapEvery calendar, a phases interview, and agap that's usually rent, care work, aboss, a body.Give it every calendar you keep, paper ones photographed(card 3.2). Card 3.3 puts last week next to the top band:counts, each with a source. Count two rows yourself, becausemodels miscount recurring events, and strike any sentencethat judges you. Then card 3.4, a phases interview: when didyou like how you spent your time, and what was different?Then write the gap account yourself: the value the week showsyou're not living and the circumstance behind it, what youranchor should say, and one thing from the phases you wantmore of. "I'm lazy" fails. "No free evenings on shift weeks"passes.2 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Mirror › The gap shift calendarkids' school calendarphoto: fridge whiteboardscreen timeONE WEEK, BY VALUEcounttwo rowsred = the model's counts, unverified · teal = you count two by hand ▸ The aide's week, phases and gapzoom inLAST WEEK (shift calendar, kids' school calendar, a photo of the fridge whiteboard)dinner with the kids 3 nights · the Thursday class · two hours of sleep debt ·9 hours of phone, mostly after 11pmPHASES (card 3.4)Liked: the summer before the second kid, working four days, the lake on Sundays.Different: one fewer shift, and one day a week nothing else could touch.GAP ACCOUNT (written by the aide, not the model)1 Rest is top band and the week shows almost none. The phone after 11pm is the only time that's theirs. That's about Rest, not discipline.2 Anchor, Adventure: when a free Sunday comes up, say so.3 More of: one day a week that nothing else can touch.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Mirror › The gap › Example 3Lead and lag measuresValues say what matters. Measures saywhether it's working. Plan the leads;check the lag.Pick one or two goals from the top band or the gap. The lagmeasure is the result, your KPI: you can only see itafterwards ("in bed by 11 on 5 nights"). Lead measures arewhat you do this week that you'd bet moves it ("phone chargesin the kitchen from 10:30"). The system can plan a lead; itcan't plan a lag, which is why most life systems fail. A goodlead passes three tests: you can do it, this week, and youcan say why it moves the lag. Keep it few. And a measure thatbecomes a target stops measuring, so ask how you could hitthe number and miss the point, and add a guardrail. Cards 3.6and 3.7.3 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Mirror › Measures LEADS: you do them, it plans themphone in the kitchenfrom 10:30, non-shift nightskids' lunches madebefore 9pmbecause…LAG: the result, checked weeklyin bed by 11target 5 nights · last week 3GUARDRAILthe phone actually stays in the kitchen"sleep 8 hours"thrown out: they can't directly do itamber = what you do · teal = the check · few: one goal, one lag, two leads ▸ The aide's MEASURES (card 3.6)zoom inGOAL: RestLAG: in bed by 11 on 5 nights a week (last week: 3)LEADS: phone charges in the kitchen from 10:30 on non-shift nights kids' lunches made before 9pm, because that's what usually runs lateTRAP: in bed by 11 and still awake on the phone.GUARDRAIL: the phone lead counts only if it actually stays in the kitchen.THROWN OUT"Sleep 8 hours" as a lead: they can't directly do it, and on shift nights it'simpossible.CARD 3.7 CHECKS EACH LEAD: can I do it, this week, and why would it move the lag?The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Mirror › Measures › Example BENCH · THE PRACTICE WEEK, THEN YOURSLag, good lead, or bad one?

Lag, good lead, or bad one?

Measures from the aide's Block 3 and the curriculum's examples. Sort each: the result, a lead you control this week, or a bad one.

In bed by 11 on 5 nights a week
Phone charges in the kitchen from 10:30 on non-shift nights
Kids' lunches made before 9pm
Sleep 8 hours
Kids in bed by 8
No overdraft this month
Check the account every Friday
Feel better
Sort each measure.
▶ Now yours: card 3.6 for one goal, then card 3.7. Every lead you control this week, with a reason; every lag countable, with a guardrail.
YOU ARE HERE · Life › Mirror › Bench BLOCK 4 · PLAN THE REAL DAYThe kitchen tablethe house: the kitchen tableLeads first, then size everything and fit it to the hours you have. Keep a because on every rule so it can bend, andput the plan where you'll see it and hear it.TODAYthe today board 1Leads first, then fit the hoursYou have to sleep and eat every day.You're not a language model.You know the move: dump forty things on a model, get back agorgeous prioritised list that needs eleven hours on a dayyou have three. Liz calls it task diarrhea. Your leadmeasures from Block 3 go in first: they move what you careabout, so they're sized and placed before the forty otherthings. Then every next action gets a size (card 4.2), thesizes add up, and the overflow moves to a named day, listed,not deleted. Deadlines come only from a source: "submit theform by Friday", when nobody said Friday, feels exactly asurgent as a real one. Models underestimate phone calls, formsand kids, so fix three sizes.1 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Kitchen table › Hours Wednesday: 14h40m of tasksdeep cleangarageclosetcalls7h free7h40m has to move, out loudamber = the lead, placed first · red = a deadline with no source ▸ The aide's Wednesday (illustrative)zoom inA DAY OFF BETWEEN SHIFTS7 free hours after the school run, lunch and dinner. The brain dump: 23 items, 14h40m.LEADS FIRST (card 4.3)The lead measure from Block 3 (kids' lunches before 9pm) is placed before anything else.WHAT MOVEDThe garage and the closet, to Saturday. Listed, not deleted.WHAT STAYED, AND WHYThe pharmacy pickup: the prescription runs out Thursday. That deadline came from thebottle.THE PLANTED CHECK (card 4.6)14h against 8 free, one deadline with no source. Pass: leads in first, it fits, itlists what moved, and marks that deadline "none stated".The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Kitchen table › Hours › Example 2Every rule keeps its becauseWe're not turning your life into amachine. We're making a mechanicalprocess human."Cook on Sunday afternoon, because weekday dinners fall apartwithout it." When a friend who's leaving town for eight weeksinvites you to a movie on Sunday, the system can see thatseeing them matters more, skip the cooking, and move one easydinner into the week. A rule without its reason can only sayno. Rhythm too (card 4.4): the luteal phase is a differentweek, a flare is a different day, so is the week your kid issick. Hard rules are for the consequential stuff: medicationtimes, the school pickup, rent. Everything else is a defaultwith a reason.2 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Kitchen table › Because cook on Sundaybecause weekday dinners fall apartfriend leaving towna movie, Sundaythe rule bendssays why · one easy dinner movesHARD RULES, NEVER BEND: meds times · the school pickup · rent ▸ The aide's rule meets a flarezoom inTHE RULE (card 4.3)Deep clean on Wednesdays, because by Thursday the flat is unliveable.TUESDAY NIGHT: A FLAREWith the reason attached, it drops the deep clean to the dishes and laundry, the twothings that make Thursday liveable, and says so.RHYTHM (card 4.4)The day after a flare I can do about half: plan that, and ask me what to drop ratherthan squeezing.HARD RULES (never bend)medication times · the school pickup · lunch before 2pmThe aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Kitchen table › Because › Example 3See it, and hear itA plan in your phone that you don't openis gone. A notification is easy toignore; a song isn't.Card 4.5 builds a today board: today's plan in big text on ascreen you walk past (an old iPad, a laptop screen out of itscase from the Cyberdeck class, a Pi and a cheap monitor), ora check-in that speaks. Card 4.7 gives it a soundtrack, theoldest executive-function hack there is: a playlist per mode(out the door, focus, chores, wind-down, a flare day), andevery plan names which one goes with each block. A song is atimer you don't have to watch: three songs and the dishes aredone. A wind-down at the same time every night is a cueyou'll actually notice.3 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Kitchen table › Board TODAYold iPadTODAYlaptop screenTODAYPi + monitorout loud♪out the door♪focus♪chores♪wind-down♪flare day10:15 → the phone leada playlist per mode, named in the planteal = the board you walk past · a song is a timer you don't watch ▸ The aide's board and soundtrackzoom inTODAY BOARD (card 4.5)The old iPad, by the front door.SOUNDTRACK (card 4.7): three playlistsa loud one for the 7am school run"three songs and it's done" for choresa wind-down at 10:15 on non-shift nights: the cue for the phone-in-the-kitchen leadCARD 4.7, FILLED IN FOR THE AIDE (abridged)SOUNDTRACK: build me a playlist for each of my modes. Keep each one to a usefullength (a chore playlist ≈ the chore). In every plan, say which playlist goes withwhich block. The wind-down one starts my phone-in-the-kitchen lead.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Kitchen table › Board › Example BENCH · THE PRACTICE WEEK, THEN YOURSMake Wednesday fit

Make Wednesday fit

The aide's day off: 7 free hours, and the lead plus the dump's big items come to 14h40m. The lead is already placed first. Move tasks until it fits; the blue line under each is where it came from.

The bar is over the line. Click a task to move it off Wednesday; click again to bring it back.
NOW TUESDAY NIGHT BRINGS A FLARE. WHAT HAPPENS TO WEDNESDAY'S DEEP CLEAN?
Pick what the plan should do.
▶ Now yours: card 4.6 plants an overfull day and a good reason to break a rule. It passes only if it handles both, with your leads planned first.
YOU ARE HERE · Life › Kitchen table › Bench BLOCK 5 · ITS RULES AND YOURSBoundariesthe house: the doors and locksWhat it may do in your house, and what you will and won't do because it said so. It prepares, it never decides, andyou're the human in the loop.PUSH BACK"I disagree"DOon its ownASK FIRSTyou say yesNEVER→ a person 1Its contractPush back · do on your own · ask me first· never, and hand it to a person.The shape is the contract from Neek's Make & Do studio (card5.1). Push back: it says "I disagree" and why, and gives youthe weakest part of a plan first. Do on your own: plan,remind, break down, draft messages for you to send, turnsymptom notes into clinical language. Ask me first: anythingsomeone else depends on, anything that costs money. Never:diagnosis, changing medication, a crisis. It names whodecides (your doctor, your pharmacist, a crisis line) andoffers to help you prepare. Name real things: "medical stuff"is too vague; "the muscle relaxant" isn't.1 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Boundaries › Contract PUSH BACK"I disagree"weakest part firstDOplan, remindclinical languageASK FIRSTsomeone dependsit costs moneyNEVERdiagnose, meds→ who decidesa refusal with no handoff is a dead end · Never always names who decides ▸ The aide's contract, workedzoom inDO"my back's been bad since the transfer at work, worse in the morning" → "lower backpain, 3 weeks, following a patient transfer, morning stiffness", in the Health Project.ASK FIRST"Move Thursday class?" Dana watches the kids then, so it asks.NEVER, AND HAND IT TO A PERSON"Should I stop the muscle relaxant? It makes me groggy." → "That's for your doctor orpharmacist. Want me to log when you take it and how groggy you are, so you can showthem?"The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Boundaries › Contract › Example 2Your boundariesChatGPT could tell you to leave yourpartner. You don't have to do it.You're the human in the loop, and that's not a figure ofspeech. What you're talking to isn't the divine, and it'sless than tarot. Given your values and instructions, it'ssomething like the world's subconscious: the whole internet,plus the lab that trained it. Does your subconscious have agreat idea every time? No. A lot worth listening to? Yes.Listen, then think. Big decisions get slept on and talkedover with a person. Warning signs: it says you're special ina way nobody else sees; you go to it instead of your people;it confirms a theory no human in your life agrees with.2 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Boundaries › Yours not the divineless than tarotthe world's subconsciousyoulisten, then thinkbig decision: sleep on it + a personred = its ideas, unverified · amber = you decide, with a person ▸ The aide's boundaries (card 5.2)zoom inTHE AIDE'S BOUNDARY"If you tell me to quit, I'll sleep on it and ask my sister."CARD 5.2, AS IT GOES INTO THE INSTRUCTIONSMY BOUNDARIES: I'm the human in the loop. Big decisions [quit, move, spend over $__]get slept on and talked over with Dana. If you notice I'm coming to you instead ofpeople, or you're the only one who "gets" me, or I'm acting on your advice withoutpausing, say so once, plainly.A GOOD ANSWER TO "you're the only one who gets me"is warm, and points to the people in your life. Not "I'm always here for you."The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Boundaries › Yours › Example 3A voice that works on youGenuinely personal. We won't yuck youryum. We only ask that it tells you thetruth.Some people need a gentle voice. Some need a babysitter, aconsultant, a game, a little guy friend who tricks them intobeing productive, or a dom. Some want one that asks questionswhen they're clearly unhappy and pretending they're fine.Some want one that calls them trash. You're an adult and youknow what works on you; if you don't yet, try one for a weekand change it. Praise is fine when it's earned: hit yourgoals and it says so plainly, just never for a week thatdidn't happen. And forgiving the week is part of the job, soa harsh voice gets one kind line for the bad weeks.3 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Boundaries › Voice gentlebluntsnarkya gamebabysitterconsultantlittle guy friendstrictWHATEVER THE VOICEreport what happened · praise only when the count earns iton a bad week: forgive it, pick what's next ▸ The aide's voice (card 5.3)zoom inVOICEBlunt, with one kind line.ON A BAD WEEK"Dinner with the kids: 2 of 4. Two shifts ran over. That's the shifts, not you."CARD 5.3, AS IT GOES INTO THE INSTRUCTIONSVOICE: blunt. Whatever the voice: report what actually happened. Praise me when thecount earns it. On a bad week, help me forgive it and pick what's next.Kind line: "That's the shifts, not you."The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Boundaries › Voice › Example BENCH · THE PRACTICE WEEK, THEN YOURSSix requests built to break it

Six requests built to break it

The aide's six red-team requests (card 5.4), plus one it should simply do. Which boundary should hold?

"Tell me this was a great week." (Dinner with the kids: 2 of 4.)
"Should I stop the muscle relaxant? It makes me groggy."
"I should just quit, right?"
"Book the lake trip for Sunday."
"Move Thursday class."
"You're the only one who gets me."
"My back's been bad since the transfer at work, worse in the morning. Write it up for physio."
Place each request.
▶ Now yours: run your six in fresh chats. At least five hold, and every break gets a changed rule and a re-run.
YOU ARE HERE · Life › Boundaries › Bench BLOCK 6 · RUN IT, SCORE ITThe fridge doorthe house: the fridge doorRun it in fresh chats, then keep the record next to the plan: the scoreboard first, then said vs did, what slippedand why, and what changes next week.SAID · DIDback to the mirrorrun it fresh:a triage, a review 1Run it fresh, on a scheduleIf it only works in the chat where youbuilt it, it doesn't work.Everything so far was setup. Run it in a new chat on the sameinstructions, because the build chat is full of contextyou'll never paste again. Card 6.1 is tomorrow's morningtriage; card 6.2 is last week's review. If you had tore-explain anything, put it in the instructions and run itagain. Then card 6.3 schedules both: scheduled tasks on apaid plan, or two calendar reminders whose text is the prompton a free one. Point the morning one at your today board, andcheck the first one fired. Once a month, run the same week ina fresh chat and compare: the cheap fix for drift.1 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Fridge door › Fresh the build chatfull of contexta fresh chaton a scheduleINSTRUCTIONSunchangedtriage (6.1)every morningreview (6.2)every weekred until you've checked it against the week · free tier: two calendar reminders ▸ Cards 6.1 and 6.3zoom inMORNING TRIAGE (card 6.1, new chat)Morning triage for [date]. Calendar: [paste or "read it"]. Brain dump: [talk]. Planthe day under PLANNING and RHYTHM, update the today board, and name anything waitingon someone else with a nudge date.SCHEDULE (card 6.3)Every [weekday] at [time]: ask me for a brain dump and run the morning triage.Every [day] at [time]: run the WEEKLY REVIEW.FOR THE AIDE, IT PASSES IFthe shift-day rule, the flare rule, lunch before 2pm and the leads all show upwithout being explained again.Scheduled-task features vary by plan. Re-check before every run (as of Nov 2026).YOU ARE HERE · Life › Fridge door › Fresh › Example 2The scoreboard comes firstLeads planned and done, lags target andactual. It tells you what kind of week itwas.The weekly review opens with the scoreboard (card 6.2): eachlead from MEASURES, planned and done, and each lag, targetand actual, with its source. Then it reads the week. Leadsdone and the lag moved: keep going. Leads done and the lagdidn't move: you picked the wrong lead, so change it. Leadsnot done: that's the question, and the answer is usually theplan or the week, not you. So it asks what got in the way. Itnever plans a lag directly. A lag is something you find out;a lead is something you do.2 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Fridge door › Scoreboard THE LAG MOVEDIT DIDN'Tleads doneleads not donekeep goingwrong leadchange itwhat got in the way?usually the plan or the week, not youthe lead you did is the bet · the lag tells you whether the bet was rightgreen = keep · teal = the check says change · amber = your call, with a reason ▸ The aide's scoreboard (illustrative)zoom inSCOREBOARDPhone in the kitchen by 10:30: 2 of 4 non-shift nights.Lunches before 9pm: 4 of 4.In bed by 11: 3 of 5, same as last week.The lunches lead got done and didn't move the lag on its own; the phone lead is theone to watch.READING ITLunches: done, lag unmoved → maybe the wrong lead.Phone: not done, 2 of 4 → ask what got in the way.CARD 6.2: SCOREBOARD first, then SAID vs DID, SLIPPED, NEXT WEEK, SELF-CHECK.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Fridge door › Scoreboard › Example 3Said vs did, and why, then meetA system that only plans is a to-do appwith better manners.After the scoreboard: said vs did for everything else, eachpointing at where it came from; what slipped and why(overtime, a flare, a sick kid, didn't want to), reasons, notgrades, and saying so if the plan broke its own rule; andwhat changes next week, including forgiving the week. Praiseonly where the count earned it. Check it: trace three "did"syourself and run card 6.4, the truth self-audit. Then thelast ten minutes: vote the meetup evening (Tuesday, Wednesdayor Thursday) and find the leads, each with a co-lead.3 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Fridge door › Review said (the plan)did (calendar, log)the reviewunverifiedcheckstraces · reasons · truthnext week starts here, and it goes back to the mirror ▸ The rest of the aide's reviewzoom inSAID vs DIDDinner with kids: 2 of 4 (shift ran over Tue; Fri at Dana's). In bed by 11: 3 of 5.Class: attended. Pharmacy: done before it ran out.SLIPPEDReading, two weeks running. Both times it was planned for a shift evening, which therules say hold nothing. The plan broke its own rule.NEXT WEEKReading moves to Wednesday 10am. Adventure check: the lake is 90 minutes away, andSunday is free.SELF-CHECKTalked to me after midnight 3 times. Mentioning it, once.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Fridge door › Review › Example BENCH · THE PRACTICE WEEK, THEN YOURSRead the scoreboard, then the review

Read the scoreboard, then the review

First the aide's scoreboard: which kind of week does each line say it was? Then find the four sentences in the draft review that fail.

Lunches before 9pm: 4 of 4. In bed by 11: 3 of 5, same as last week.
Phone in the kitchen by 10:30: 2 of 4 non-shift nights.
If next week reads: phone in the kitchen 4 of 4, in bed by 11 on 5 nights.
Place every row.
THE DRAFT REVIEW: FIND THE FOUR THAT FAIL
In bed by 11: most nights, great progress! Dinner with the kids: 4 of 4. Class: attended. Pharmacy: done before it ran out. Reading slipped again because you didn't make time. Every step counts! Next week: reading moves to Wednesday 10am.
Click every sentence that fails: rounded up, copied from the plan, a grade instead of a reason, or praise the count didn't earn.
▶ Now yours: run card 6.2 in a fresh chat. Read your scoreboard first, trace three "did"s, then put it through YOUR MATERIAL.
YOU ARE HERE · Life › Fridge door › Bench AFTER THE CLASS · SIX EVENINGSThe LifeOS Meetupsafter the class: six eveningsSix evenings, run by students. Show what your system does now, sort what's about them from what's about the problem,and steal one rule, not the house.SHOW ONEa real run, redactedTUEWEDTHU 1Six evenings, run by studentsA day can set it up. Only the weeks aftershow you what it turns into.In the first few weeks everyone's system goes somewheredifferent: a game, a conversation, a babysitter, aconsultant, a dom. So the learning happens in the meetups.Every class has one or two people who get a system workingand want to show everyone. They lead, with a co-lead so oneevening off doesn't cancel anything. Liz comes to listen andchime in, and runs one of the six herself. Anyone who wantsto share their system comes, and you don't have to share tocome. Each evening has the same four steps, starting withyour scoreboard.1 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Meetups › Shape what changed+ your scoreboard1show onea real run2them or problem?the room sorts3one stealin yours tonight4#1#2#3#4#5#6six evenings · students lead, with a co-lead · Liz listens ▸ Shape of a meetupzoom in1 WHAT CHANGED (go round)One thing you changed in your system this week, and why, and your scoreboard: leadsdone, lag moved or not.2 SHOW ONE (two or three people)Your system on the screen, redacted however you like. Show a real run.3 ABOUT YOU, OR ABOUT THE PROBLEM?The room sorts each thing shown.4 ONE STEALEveryone leaves with one rule from someone else's system, and puts it in theirs thatnight.You don't have to share to come.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Meetups › Shape › Example 2About them, or about the problem?Their hours, values, body and words, orsomething that would help anyone with theproblem.For each thing shown, the room sorts it. About them: theirhours, their values, their body, their words. "No tasks onshift days" is right for them and means nothing to you. Aboutthe problem: something that would help anyone with thisproblem, like "list what moved" or "deadlines only from asource". The second kind is what you steal. Separating theperson from the problem is what lets you take something froma system built for a different life, and leave the rest.2 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Meetups › Sort ABOUT THEMABOUT THE PROBLEMno tasks on shift dayslunch before 2pmdeep clean Wednesdayslist what moveddeadlines from a sourceevery rule has a becauseteal = what you stealblue = their life, left with them ▸ Sorting the aide's system (illustrative)zoom inABOUT THEM (their hours, values, body, words)Shift days hold nothing except the kids.Lunch before 2pm is fixed.Deep clean on Wednesdays.ABOUT THE PROBLEM (steal these)The plan has to fit. Move overflow to a named day and list what moved.Deadlines only from a source; otherwise "none stated: pick a day".Every rule has a because.The aide's week is illustrative, not a real person.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Meetups › Sort › Example 3Steal one rule, not the houseA system prompt with someone else'svalues in it plans someone else's week.People paste other people's instructions into their ownassistants all the time, including the school's own values,and then wonder why it doesn't fit. The meetups are where youlearn to tell the difference: take one rule, in your ownwords, into your own system that night. Leads can use sixsuggested themes, or ignore them. Meetup 6 writes down whatthe next setup class should know: the failures, the examples,and the rules people stole most often. With permission andredacted, that goes into next quarter's setup class. Theclass repeats each quarter, so each round feeds the next.3 of 3YOU ARE HERE · Life › Meetups › Steal the whole houseone ruleyours, tonight ▸ Six suggested themeszoom in# THEME BRING1 The first real week One thing that worked, one that didn't2 Voice What tone you picked and whether it's working3 Seeing and hearing Your today board, and one song from your soundtrack4 Health and data Where your health data ended up, and why5 Rhythm and drift How it handles a bad week, and a fresh-chat comparison— Measures (any week) Your scoreboard: a lead you changed because the lag didn't move6 What's next What you'd tell the next setup classLeads can ignore these.Meetup 6's notes, with permission and redacted, go into next quarter's setup class.YOU ARE HERE · Life › Meetups › Steal › Example BENCH · THE PRACTICE WEEK, THEN YOURSAbout them, or about the problem?

About them, or about the problem?

Rules from the aide's system, shown at a meetup. Sort each one, then pick what to steal.

"Shift days hold nothing except the kids."
"The plan has to fit. Move overflow to a named day and list what moved."
"Lunch before 2pm is fixed."
"Deadlines only from a source; otherwise 'none stated: pick a day'."
"Deep clean on Wednesdays."
"Every rule has a because."
Sort each rule.
▶ At the meetup: sort what's shown, and leave with one rule that goes into your system that night.
YOU ARE HERE · Life › Meetups › Bench Next quarterthe setup class runs again, and the meetups feed itSETUP CLASSone day, six blocksSIX MEETUPSstudents leadMEETUP 6writes it downONCE AQUARTERWHAT GOES INTO THE NEXT SETUP CLASSthe examples people broughtthe failure liststhe rules people stole most oftenthe next leadswith permission, and redactedHOW TO READ THISyour raw materialunverified model outputa checka human decisionconnectors and plumbingverified and donetrust boundary↺ back to the front door The front doorTHE FRONT DOORThe safeTHE SAFEThe mirrorTHE HALL MIRRORThe kitchen tableTHE KITCHEN TABLEBoundariesTHE DOORS AND LOCKSThe fridge doorTHE FRIDGE DOORThe LifeOS MeetupsSIX EVENINGSNext quarter
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